The Dog Doesn’t Die

Book reviews & random thoughts

Silly Stuff 3

I have a lot more to write about my dad’s passing, and I have two books to review, but I think it’s time for some levity. At least I need some levity. So here is another piece from my old humor files:

HOW TO KEEP A HEALTHY LEVEL OF INSANITY IN THE WORKPLACE

Put a chair facing a printer, sit there all day and tell people you’re waiting for your document.

Arrive at a meeting late, say you’re sorry, but you didn’t have time for lunch, and you’re going to be nibbling during the meeting. During the meeting eat 5 entire raw potatoes.

Insist that your e_mail address be “zena_goddess_of_fire@companyname.com”

Every time someone asks you to do something, ask them if they want fries with that.

Send email to yourself engaging yourself in an intelligent debate about the direction of one of your company’s products. Forward the mail to a co_worker and ask her to settle the disagreement.

Page yourself over the intercom. (Don’t disguise your voice.)

Name all your pens and insist that meetings can’t begin until they’re all present.

Make up nicknames for all your coworkers and refer to them only by these names. “That’s a good point Sparky.” “No I’m sorry I’m going to have to disagree with you there, Chachi.”

Schedule meetings for 4:14 pm.

Encourage your colleagues to join you in a little synchronized chair dancing.

Send email to the rest of the company telling them what you’re doing. For example “If anyone needs me I’ll be in the bathroom.”

When in conversation, no matter where you are in the office, mutter, “I think my phone is ringing” and leave. Go get a coffee.

Develop an unnatural fear of staplers.

Compose all your e_mail in rhyming couplets.

Include a personal note on every email you send. “On a personal note, I’m feeling a bit tired and grumpy today.” “On a personal note, I’m pleased to announce that I got my highest score ever on Tetris last night.”

Put decaf in the coffeemaker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has gotten over their caffeine addictions, switch to espresso.

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May 17, 2008 - Posted by | humor |

1 Comment »

  1. Bada bing

    Comment by zzard | May 18, 2008 | Reply


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