Does the Dog Die? A Brief Review of Shining City, By Seth Greenland

When I travel, I like to bring along a few reliable books, which usually means books by authors who have made me smile in the past. On my most recent vacation, I took books by Julia Glass, Jenny Shortridge, Mary Doria Russell and, reviewed here, Seth Greenland.

In discussing The Bones a few months ago, I praised Greenland for giving depth to even his most minor characters. I have a place in my heart reserved for authors who treat their characters with compassion and give them great complexity. Even a villain has an internal logic that comes from somewhere other than an inherent evil. And in Shining City, Greenland’s villains all make sense as people instead of being cardboard cut-outs. While Shining City’s protagonist, Marcus Ripps, is not the most complex man in fiction, he’s got dimension — as does his wife, his son, his mother-in-law, his attorneys, his competitors, his boss, and his “business associates.”

About those business associates — they’re hookers. Early in the story, Marcus loses his job as a factory manager. His wife, Jan, owns a failing boutique, and their middle-class life is about to disintegrate in a flood of debt and over-extension. Conveniently, Marcus’s estranged brother dies, bequeathing to Marcus a business known as Shining City drycleaners, which is really a front for an escort service. In desperate need of both income and validation, regardless of source, Marcus takes over this little goldmine, eventually bringing in Jan as his partner and her mother as their bookkeeper. Of course, this is not a simple business, and the unique twist that Marcus gives it is cause for some of the humor. Greenland keeps the story moving, and I was sorry to see it come to an end.

The only problem I had with Shining City was the appearance of a competitor in the escort service business. I keep mentally “fixing” her interactions with Marcus, which seemed like they could have been mutually beneficial while still allowing Greenland to proceed with the rest of the story as planned. Every novel asks us to suspend belief in at least one spot, but my brain couldn’t let go of this particular passage. That’s not a flaw, however, it’s just an observation. As with The Bones, I strongly recommend this book. If you have to pick between the two, in fact, I suggest Shining City.

As for animals, there is a terrier named Bertrand Russell who shows up periodically and comes to no harm. The death of a goldfish is mentioned in passing, and Marcus feels as if a coyote is following him. So this book is completely SAFE for animal lovers. Enjoy!

Does the Dog Die? A Brief Review of Pride and Prejudice and Zombies, by Jane Austen and Seth Grahame-Smith

First up, I have two very strong objections to this book, a rewrite of Jane Austen’s classic Pride and Prejudice into a rather juvenile goof.

Objection #1: Everyone knows Mr. Darcy is a werewolf. Come on, Seth. You screwed this up big time. If you were going to do this, you could have at least done it right. And now I’m to understand that someone else has written Sense and Sensibilities and Sea Monsters? No, no, no, a thousand times no! Here are the correct match-ups of Austen and monsters:

• Pride and Prejudice and Werewolves
• Emma and Zombies
• Sense and Sensibility and Shapeshifters
• Persuasion and Sea Monsters
• Northanger Abbey and Vampires
• Mansfield Park and Witches

Get it right, people!

Objection #2: Seth over-edited the beginning. Granted, Austen often starts slow, but in the early pages, Mr. Darcy makes these weird comments that make me think, “who is this guy, how did he get here, and why is he sitting around spouting random, out-of-context, rude remarks?” Fortunately, this is a temporary problem, and anyone familiar with Austen’s original story will be able to fill in the blanks. But still … the guy isn’t given his due as a werewolf, and then he’s also the weirdo in the corner who blathers autistically? Not right, Seth!

These two objections aside, this is a wonderful book. I loved it, I laughed at it, and I recommend it. Only a prig wouldn’t enjoy it. In fact, it was recommended by a woman I consider to be one of the most devoted and knowledgeable Jane Austen scholars not employed by a university. So buy it. Make Seth rich and further his career. The fact that he mucked up Darcy’s werewolfishness becomes a detail once you get into the story.

And as this blog exists for the purpose of warning people about books in which animals are harmed or neglected or otherwise meet bad ends, I have to get serious. There are lots of horses, and since they are often the key to people escaping the zombies, they are worried about and protected. That’s not to say there’s never horse on the menu in Zombieland, but it’s referenced, not shown. There are also deer, who are dear to the Bennet girls. They’re not harmed, either. So this book is SAFE for animal lovers.

And Darcy is a werewolf, dammit!

Does the Dog Die? A Brief Review of Autobiography of a Fat Bride, by Laurie Notaro

I’m trying to remember which friend said she loved Laurie Notaro. This is driving me crazy.

And Laurie Notaro has potential to drive a person crazy. She is hilarious and observant, but I think if I ran into her on my annual pilgrimage to Phoenix, I’d say “great book, Laurie” and leave it at that. She’s intense. And that’s not a criticism, but it’s something to keep in mind while reading this book. It’s not a sit-down-and-read-it-all-Saturday-afternoon book, it’s more of a keep-in-your-purse-and-read-a-few-pages-at-a-time-while-in-line book. And it really does lend itself to short spurts of reading, because it’s written as a series of 2 to 6 page essays.

Laurie has an impossible mother, a mind-boggling grandma, a sweet but very languid husband, weird neighbors, sisters (and thanks again to my brothers for being boys instead girls), pets, a job, and a body that might qualify her to be a plus-size model were she so inspired.

At her wedding reception, she ejected the videographer who thought the entire event had been planned just so he could play at being dictator. That alone is reason to love her. And how can you not giggle at someone who writes: “it looks like Stevie Wonder and Bo Derek jumped you in an alley and gang-braided you”? On the other hand, there were a few essays that did not enrich my life, to put it mildly. But most were fun. I would recommend this to anyone except stick-in-the-mud types. You know who you are.

As for animals, there are a very few unpleasant images, but nothing that’s likely to stay with you. And I don’t believe she really forgot to feed her dog – first, dogs don’t let you forget that, and second, she exaggerates so much that I believe she said that for effect. Still, Notaro is outrageous for effect, and the animals fall into her line of sight occasionally. I’m going to declare this book SAFE for animal lovers, but promise not to take her literally, okay?

(Very) Odds and Ends

It’s another link day — cats, cooking, and common sense healthcare.

First, let’s look at the cats. Specifically, let’s look at 1,000 pictures of cats. Some of these animals are absolutely gorgeous.

As for cooking, a question that comes up now and then — and especially now, in the shaky economy– is whether certain items we consider panty staples are cheaper to make at home than to buy at the grocery store. An article on slate tells us one woman’s experience making bagels, cream cheese, yogurt, jam, crackers, and granola. She evaluates not just cost, but taste. The results might not be what you expect. I know I was surprised by one item in particular.

Finally, there’s common sense in health care, a hot topic these days with our devastatingly expensive “system” and the various thoughts on how to address it. This satire starring Fred Willard gets right to the point.

Does the Dog Die? A Brief Review of Bachelor Brothers’ Bed & Breakfast, by Bill Richardson

I have to thank my Internet friend, Karen from Nova Scotia, for this little gem. And it’s little–only 152 pages. But it’s packed, with hardly a wasted word and at least one quotable phrase per page. I loved it!

Narrated by 50-something fraternal twins Virgil and Hector and a few of their guests, the book takes us to a remote town on a forested Canadian island, where Virgil and Hector operate a B&B for bibliophiles. In fact, some guests visit simply in order to read Proust without distractions. Some of the stories are sad, some wildly hilarious. For example, there’s the man whose office goes on a retreat (is there anything so vile as the office retreat?), leaving him in the woods to talk to the trees — one of which orders him to “get the hell out!” Then there’s the ne’er-do-well cousin who, after an epiphany, “spent the rest of his days, and the rest of his income, traveling the world, seeking out musical eggcups. He picked them up in Istanbul and Paris, in Geneva and Beirut.” Waffle, the brothers’ cat, and Mrs. Rochester, the parrot they inherited from their mother, hunt mice together, with Mrs. Rochester calling “kittykittykitty” when she spots one. I laughed out loud about every other page.

This is great book for animal lovers. Mrs. Rochester has one salty phrase in her vocabulary, which she uses at some of the most inopportune moments. There are also some very happy chickens, a music-critic Pekingese named Valentine, and a vast assortment of other pets. The only sad thing that happens is a brief mention of a parrot — not Mrs. Rochester — who died elsewhere. Plus, Waffle is a mighty huntress of small prey. But I have no qualms about recommending this book as SAFE for animal lovers, including and maybe especially bird lovers. Enjoy!

Friday Fun

I will admit, I’m slightly blue today. The economy, the cold weather, etc., etc. So I’m going to skip the book review I’d planned for today and go for the kind of post that should cheer me up. Maybe something here will brighten your day as well.

Let’s start with something funny from YouTube. It makes me appreciate my cat, Eddie, that much more.

Next, I recently shared the URL for this blog with some writers on LinkedIn. This is for you, fellow writers, or for anyone who has to write for work or school. Because we all know, accurate citations are important.

And in case you, too, are bummed out by the economy and other things, here is an Armageddon Flow Chart .

Special pre-Inauguration bonus: Arlington County, Virginia, just across the Potomac River from Washington DC, sent out an e-mail alert to residents yesterday. An excerpt:

To prepare for this event, pretend a hurricane is coming during that weekend and expect large crowds, congestion, traffic and many delays. 

I thought the part I bolded was pretty funny. But maybe that’s just me

Does the Dog Die? A Brief Review of Me Talk Pretty One Day, by David Sedaris

This book was fun to read! And yet I’d resisted it for several years, in part because I didn’t really care for a more recent book by Sedaris, Dress Your Family in Corduroy and Denim. Me Talk Pretty One Day was much better, and I wish I’d picked it up sooner. Oh, well. Better to read it late than not at all.

“Me Talk” is a series of humorous essays, some of which first appeared in the New Yorker, Esquire, and other magazines, as well as on National Public Radio. Part One of the book is about Sedaris’s family and his adult life B.H. — Before Hugh, the partner who literally led Sedaris to France. And France is the setting for Part Deux, where Sedaris struggles with the French language, discovers the best way to watch American movies, and visits a local fair where hostile cattle are unleashed during a soccer game.

Generally, humor makes me smirk. It’s quite hard to get me beyond the smirk to the laugh-out-loud state, but Sedaris succeeded several times. His droll wit, his stranger-in-a-strange-land outlook (even while living in the U.S.), and his refusal to pretend to be anyone other than himself — fantasy life aside — add up to endearing comedy. For a sample of something from the book, go to this NPR site and click on The Sex of French Nouns. It’s 7 minutes long and hilarious.

From an animal lover’s perspective, this book is Mostly Safe. In an episode from Hugh’s childhood, a piglet is killed. On the other hand, when they lived in Africa, Hugh’s family had a pet monkey who went on vacations with them. Sedaris also recounts the lives and deaths of his family’s many pets in the sweet but sad essay entitled “Youth in Asia,” which you may want to skip if you still get weepy about having had to put down a pet.

One of the best chapters, both in general and from an animal lover’s perspective, is “I Almost Saw This Girl Get Killed.” First of all, no one dies, and second, that’s the chapter about the cantankerous cattle and the soccer game. The cattle, from a breed called “vachette,” were taken to various small-town fairs in Spain and France, where they were displayed in what was essentially a reverse bull-fight. Volunteers did a variety of strange activities — the aforementioned soccer game, stacking inner tubes, etc. — and the vachette attacked these defenseless individuals, sending a few off in an ambulance. Whether they were attempting to avenge their bull-fighting brethren or just attacking for the fun of it, the vachette were certainly diligent in their efforts, and the whole scene perplexed Sedaris to no end. In and of itself, this chapter is worth the price of the book. Enjoy!

The Christmas Post

First, don’t feed the reindeer or they’ll follow you around forever:

 

Second, some folks say “Jesus is the reason for the season.” I like Jack Black’s portrayal of Jesus in this little sketch about Proposition 8.

Finally, may you have as much fun as this dog.

I’ll catch back up in a few days.

Random Thoughts on a Sunday

I only have about 10 book reviews ready to post, but I felt like doing something else today. So here goes!

Political yard signs. People, the election is over. Pick up your yard signs and put them away. If you still have yard signs out, you are either gloating or whining. Neither is pretty. Please, go outside, gather up your yard signs, and rake or plant tulip bulbs or something. The election is over. If you want to have Obama-Biden signs out for the inauguration, you can put them back out in mid-January. If you keep them out until then, they will fade and look pathetic, and you don’t want that. Furthermore, Santa doesn’t visit people with political yard signs still out from a November 4 election. He’s making his list right now, and I am helping him. So please, I’m begging you, for yourselves, your neighbors, and especially me: pull up your yard signs and put them away. Unless you are in an area with a run-off election, it is too late for anyone to vote for your candidates. Your yard signs have served their purpose. Let’s all move along now, and put the yard signs away. Thank you!

And who am I to be telling you what to do? I’m me, and this is my blog. If you disagree with me, go get your own blog. It’s easy. I’ll even tell you how to do it. Or, just leave your yard sign up in defiance of my decree. I don’t really care.

Here is something that will make you laugh. Who knew that Star Trek, Monty Python, and YouTube could blend so hilariously? Well, someone figured it out. Here is the proof:

 

My mom’s pumpkin cookie recipe. Need something to take to Thanksgiving? Will there be kids there? Make these, and everyone will love you. This recipe is weirdly pulled over from my recipe software.

                           Soft Pumpkin Cookies

     1/2     cup            butter – softened
  1 1/2     cups          sugar
  1            cup           pumpkin – solid pack
  1                             egg
  1            teaspoon   vanilla
  2 1/2     cups          flour
  1            teaspoon   baking soda
  1            teaspoon   baking powder
  1            teaspoon   cinnamon
     1/2     teaspoon   nutmeg
     1/2     teaspoon   salt

Cream butter and sugar in large bowl.  Add egg and vanilla, beat until fluffy.  Combine flour and dry ingredients.  Add to butter mixture alternating with pumpkin.  Drop rounded teaspoonfuls onto lightly greased cookie sheets.  Smooth tops.  Bake at 350 for 15 to 20 minutes or until lightly browned.

Cool and ice with buttercream icing.

Another Saturday Miscellaney Post

After a great run of interesting books, I am bogged down in one that is terminally boring. So this will take the place of a book review. Also, I think we may need a few laughs.

I am very selective about the television that I watch, but I tune in religiously for my selected shows. One show I never watched was America’s Got Talent. However, this YouTube clip of an unusual dance act from the British equivalent is definitely worth watching. Simon Cowell is one of the judges, and I’m not sure I’ve ever seen him smile so broadly. YouTube has more from this act in case you like them as much as I do.

Okay, back to the economy. The correct answer is C.

Oh, and the election. I wasn’t going to put anything political in my blog. Then I saw this commentary by a little old lady and changed my mind. Helen, I love you!