The Dog Doesn’t Die

So I’m back home and back to normal and deep into processing all this. Someone said the good and bad moments will both come at random moments. So this will be a hodgepodge post of random thoughts about my dad, the funeral, and related topics.

Dad’s (Mom’s) bbq chicken recipe. Dad didn’t cook, except to grill chicken. Mom would marinate chicken pieces overnight in Italian dressing, and the next night Dad would smear them with bottled barbeque sauce and grill them. I’ve since been “educated” as to different styles of barbeque, but this was great stuff! And I don’t remember how on earth the subject came up last week, but it did.

That “quirky sense of humor” I mentioned. My dad has a wild sense of humor, which made it into the homily at his funeral Mass. As an example: A few years ago, Fr. Brian was buying groceries and in line at the checkout. Dad was right behind him. Now, at the time, Dad was taking coumadin, which leaves purple splotches on your skin. And this woman came up behind Dad and said words to the effect of “eww, what’s that?” Without missing a beat, Dad said “It’s leprosy! And it’s contagious!” and began rubbing his arm all over the woman. Fr. Brian was laughing his head off, which is how the woman figured out that Dad wasn’t serious. I’ve always envied how Dad was quick on his feet like that. I’d have said something like “oh, it’s coumadin, a blood thinner,” recited my medical history to the woman, and figured out the come-back several days later.

The “Canada group” The Canada group was a group of men 25-35 years younger than Dad; I went to school with several of them. Starting in the late 70s, this group of businessmen and professionals met for lunch every Friday, went up to Canada each summer to go fishing, and celebrated birthdays together along with their wives. They had the most, and the most outrageous, stories about Dad. They all teased each other pretty hard, and they took his death the hardest. A lot of the most important people in Dad’s life stopped by his hospital room on his last 2 days, and each member of the Canada group made that trip, including two for whom it was a long drive of an hour or more. Our friends enrich us, and I’m glad Dad had the Canada group in his life.

A 21 gun salute. It poured rain the day of Dad’s funeral, and yet at the cemetary a group of older veterans stood at attention in the rain, waiting for the signal to give Dad a 21-gun salute. He was proud of his military service, which included WWII and a few years afterwards, and the honor would have meant a lot to him. Also, the town mayor set aside the day in Dad’s honor and had all flags flown at half-staff.

Visitation. Dad ran a small-town weekly newspaper, and just about everyone who ever worked for him showed up to pay their respects. This included people who had had full careers and are now retired, and people who had to drive quite a distance. Some of them said he was the best boss they ever had.

A couple of days ago, one of my friends said that people who haven’t been through this don’t know what it’s like, and that the gulf between those who’ve lost a parent and those who haven’t is greater than the gulf between those who’ve had kids and those who haven’t. This is all still new to me, so I don’t yet know if I agree with her. But my entire family has had great support through all this, and for that I am grateful.

Last week, I came across three things I wanted to post on this blog. And now I find that two of them are sweeping across the Internet. So there’s no point in waiting, I guess. I also have a brief message of encouragement for those of you who land on this site looking for info about diabetic pets, but that’s at the end.

Have you seen the extremely popular YouTube video, “An Engineer’s Guide to Cats” yet? If you haven’t, you eventually will because it is all over the place. You can watch it now by clicking on this link. You’ll be glad you did, because it’s quite funny. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mHXBL6bzAR4

Have you seen the creepy video of the guy stuck in the elevator for 41 hours? No, the video is not 41 hours long, it’s about 2 minutes. It’s worth watching. Here it is: http://www.newyorker.com/online/video/2008/04/21/080421_elevators/?yrail

Accompanying the video was a well-written article, which is not being passed around the Internet quite so much. I read the article in a hard copy of The New Yorker, a magazine I dearly love. It explains all about poor, trapped Nicholas, as well as discussing elevators in detail. They’re safe, they’re more complicated than you might imagine, and they generate much of their own power, kind of like a hybrid. Here’s the link: http://www.newyorker.com/reporting/2008/04/21/080421fa_fact_paumgarten?/yrail

And now we’re all caught up. I had planned on putting up a book review tomorrow and some diabetic cat success stories later on in the week, but I’ll have to revisit that schedule now. In the mean time, if you’re one of the people drifting in to check out my periodic references to diabetic pets, here’s the bumper sticker version: Yes, it can be treated, and no, it’s not hard. You can do this and you’ll be glad you did. Giving 2 shots a day to my diabetic cat, Eddie, takes about 5 minutes total, and for my trouble I have kept him alive and in very good health since Sept. 2004. More on this at the end of the week or beginning of next week.

My community, a close-in and rather urban suburb of a major city, has the usual combination of pros and cons, but one of the best things we do is what I call “Weird Garbage Day.” I think it should be a national holiday celebrated in every community, but it would have to occur in phases. Maybe “Weird Garbage Month”? Anyway, this is the Saturday on which we put out our large, odd-shaped, heavy, and miscellaneous cast-offs that the regular garbagemen can’t and won’t take. The powers that be in my city have divided us into four quadrants, and each quadrant has a designated Saturday in April on which weird garbage will be collected. Hazardous waste and large or complicated electronics aren’t allowed — they must be taken to a central location — but just about everything else is. I love Weird Garbage Day, and so do my neighbors.

In previous years, I’ve unloaded an old lawnmower, a broken vacuum cleaner, and the remnants of an ancient chair. This year, I had a huge amount of stuff: a bicycle I rode religiously for 3 years but not for the last 10, an old bed frame, a mirror that was too heavy to hang, a briefcase that had seen better days, a nonfunctioning phone, and a portable cassette player (remember those?). The great thing is that everything I listed in the previous sentence was gone before the garbagemen arrived. “The scavengers,” as we refer to them on my block, drive around in big trucks the day before and collect anything they think they can refurbish and sell or use. The scavengers include antique-dealers, second-hand store owners, and the very thrifty. It’s a great way of recycling, in other words. All we have to do is get the stuff to the curb, and if anyone with more imagination, time, and skill sees something they can use, they take it. Everyone wins. I love it!

At the same time, I have launched the war of the groundcovers in my front yard. Your living room is probably bigger than my front yard. You may even have a closet that’s bigger. Yet the diminutive size does not solve the problem of ugly grass and weeds that must be mowed, even though they don’t have the decency to cover the entire yard. Yes, I have bare patches. It looks like 20 teenagers spent the weekend playing touch football on it. Which would be difficult, given its size, and anyway, I can assure you this didn’t happen. So why not plant a bunch of groundcovers and see if they do better? Right now I have woolly thyme, something called Majus, variegated vinca, golden clover, and Scottish moss. I bought more plants today, including another short thyme, but they will mostly go in the back yard, which is bigger and not as problematic. Anyway, I am hoping these new groundcovers will take over the yard eventually, although it will take a while. My highest hopes are for the woolly thyme and variegated vinca. I am least optimistic about the Scottish moss and golden clover, but they could surprise me. And the majus is a complete unknown. As long as they eventually fill in the bare spots, I’ll be happy. Wiping out the grass would be a wonderful bonus.

This won’t happen very often, but I’m going to tell you about a couple of websites where you can spend money.

When Dave and I were in New Mexico last October, I found this great hand lotion — Cedar and Sage, by Southwestern Soapworks, at www.southwesternsoapworks.com .  Now, I go through more hand lotion than anyone I know, to the point where my friends tease me about it. So this was a significant discovery. When I ran out, I checked the website and found that the online prices are quite low. I also like the story of how one night, the founder had a dream to make soap. And that’s how she and her husband ended up starting their company. I ended up talking over the phone to both of them, and they’re lovely people. So that’s my first cheap thrill.

For the next cheap thrill, check the first comment.

The blog stats tell me that a fair number of people swing by here in search of information about dealing with the death of a pet. I set up this blog primarily as a site for book reviews for animal lovers and secondarily as an on-line diary for myself. But I do have some pet bereavement resources to pass along so that those who end up here with that purpose don’t experience it as just another dead end.

The first place I’m going to suggest is my wise Internet-friend John’s site. John has a big heart, and he shares his home with about 8 cats. He cares for an even larger number of outdoor cats. I met him on sugarcats.com, one of the many websites dedicated to diabetic cats.  His “Poof’s page” on pet loss (named after a beloved cat) is my favorite, bar none. He doesn’t try to sweet-talk the pain, he takes it straight on. If you’re hurting, please read what John wrote. It won’t make the hurt go away, but it will help it make sense.

http://www.planetsos.com/fullmoon/Poof.htm

I’ve been through this twice, and I’ll go through it again. Priscilla is 19, and Eddie is 13. There will be more cats after they’re gone. It’s a way of continuing the love.

I’m putting a lot more links in the first comment.

All my mother wanted for her 75th birthday was to have the whole family together.

It didn’t happen.

My parents live in rural southern Illinois, about 2 to 2 1/2 hours from St. Louis, MO. And if you saw any national weather reports over the last couple of days, you probably noticed that St. Louis had two entire days of freezing rain. Supposedly, the airport was operating pretty well. In fact, American Airlines — the major airline servicing that airport — cancelled the flight Dave and I were to have taken on Thursday, then cancelled our second flight, scheduled for Friday. We could have flown in late in the evening today (Saturday), but assuming the flight arrived on time, we would have gotten in around midnight. And everyone was scheduled to leave early on Sunday. It made the entire trip rather pointless.

 At least my brother, sister-in-law, and niece made it there.

We knew we were in trouble when we flipped on the Weather Channel and saw Jim Cantore standing at 10th and Market Streets in St. Louis. Dave and I looked at each other and said “we’re doomed.” Then I called Mom. We talked about the horrible weather a bit, then I told her that Jim Cantore was stationed at 10th and Market. “We’re doomed,” she said. “It’s not going to happen.”

Jim Cantore = Angel of Death for Travel Plans

There’s more on this little episode below in the first comment.

I haven’t done real New Year’s resolutions for many years, but I do find early January to be a good time for initiating new projects. This is partly because I’m home from my holiday travels and back onto a regular schedule, so I have more control over my life again. There was a great article in the 1/1/08 Washington Post about how Buddhists celebrate the new year: http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2007/12/31/AR2007123102214.html . What I like about their approach (as reported here) is the focus on a theme, which for this year is “the year of capable people and development.” I’ll give further thoughts on this topic in the first comment below.